Yu-Gi-Oh: Battle of Cramps
by DessertedPie
Summary: What if all the characters in the YuGiOh-verse were gender-bended? As our now-female Yugi Motou painfully gets through her "time of month," strange things begin to happen. Someone's been stealing all the Duel Disks and decks from the finalists of Duel City! Will Yugi and the gang catch the thief? Read to find out. Rated teen for rude humor and blood, of course.
1. Eggs

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Yu-gi-oh

If I did (what a terrible thought)…

This is my first story in forever (how long has it been? Two years? I think so)

SO, what would happen if the Yu-gi-oh world was gender-bended?

What would happen if it was our main character's "time of month"?

There are gonna be some name changes:

**Joey: Joanna**

**Tristan: Triss**

**Duke: Diana**

**Seto: Sierra**

**Bakura will stay Bakura and Yugi will stay Yugi**

**Tea: Troy**

**Mai: Michael**

I think that's about it... Enjoy! :D

* * *

><p>It was a beautiful summer morning in Domino City, the fountains were working, and people could walk outside without being turned into a popsicle.<p>

Sunlight streamed into the second floor of the Motou Game Shop, directly on to Yugi Motou's face. She groaned and rolled over, but immediately at up as she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen.

"Oh, no," she muttered as she spied the red splotch on her bedding, "why now," she grumbled as she climbed out of bed and groggily made her way to the bathroom.

She stood on her toes and tried to reach the top shelf of her bathroom closet, but to no avail. She sighed, cursing her short stature, and went downstairs to find a stool.

"All these years of puberty and _this_," she looked disdainfully at her abdomen, "and I still haven't grown an inch. Who even put the pads on the top shelf?" she wondered out loud, walking on her toes the whole way down the stairs, not wanting to leave a trail of blood behind her.

"Yugi! Good morning!" Grandma Motou met her at the bottom of the stairs and gave her a huge morning smile, unaware of Yugi's predicament.

_Oh, I was so close_, Yugi thought, looking over her grandmother's shoulder at the stool in the corner across the kitchen.

"You're up early aren't you," her grandmother said, "what do you want for breakfast?" she asked Yugi, pulling a carton of eggs out of the fridge.

"-Erm, Grandma, I was just trying to-," Yugi was cut off by her grandmother, who kept blabbering on like Yugi was still listening.

"I know! I'll make you a king's breakfast!" Grandma Motou grinned in triumph at her amazing idea, dropping the carton of eggs onto the floor. They made a crunch on that could only mean all the eggs had cracked. Yugi took the opportunity to shuffle across the room, grab the stool, and tip-toe back up the stairs to get herself a pad.

"That was harder than it should have been," she muttered, finally grabbing the package of green maxi pads off the top shelf, she could still hear grandma sobbing over the cracked eggs.

"Yuuuugiii! I need you to go to the store!" Grandma Motou yelled up the stairs, "NOW!" she added, making Yugi flinch.

"Okay, okay! Give me a minute!" Yugi yelled back, changing into a clean underwear and pressing the pad onto it. She walked back into her bedroom, trying to get used to the awkward scratch of the feminine product between her legs. The Millenium Puzzle on her desk glowed and Yami appeared behind her as she pulled a clean shirt over her cami.

"So it's that time of year hm?" she asked Yugi, a laugh clearly in her eyes.

"Yes," Yugi grumbled at Yami, pulling a brush through her thick black hair.

"You seem more uncomfortable than we were back in Egypt," Yami chuckled, clearly enjoying teasing Yugi.

"Well, if it's so easy, why don't you help me out," Yugi snapped, forcing herself back into the Puzzle, forcing Yami into the real world.

"What... "she stood, shocked, in front of the mirror for a minute. She didn't think that Yugi would actually do something like that.

"Yugi!" She yelled at the gold artifact, grabbing it off the desk and shaking it, "I never agreed to this you little...!" her rant was interrupted by Grandma Motou shouting about the grocery store and eggs.

"Duty calls," Yugi's voice giggled as the Puzzle glowed in Yami's hands.

"Alright," she sighed, "this isn't going to be that hard," she slipped the Millenium Puzzle over her head and went downstairs.

* * *

><p><em>Oh it's harder than you think Yami... heeheee<em>

Well, please tell me what you think! :3

Is it good or should I trash it?

And if you have any name ideas for Yugi's Grandmother, please tell me in a review or PM me!

Alvida!


	2. Shopping Carts

Alright children!

Here is chapter two!... If you've been waiting for it!

Yami decided to conquer the supermarket

enjoy!

* * *

><p>Yami stood at the end of a never-ending aisle at the supermarket. She stood, hands on her hips, shopping cart at the ready, prepared to conquer. All she needed was some Egyptian wind in her face to let her hair flow behind her.<p>

"Um, Yami? We're here to get eggs, not take over the country," Yugi reminded her, the Millennium Puzzle glowing.

"Oh right," she said, speaking to the Egyptian Artifact, earning some weird looks from the other shoppers.

"Now, to find the eggs, we ride!" she yelled, running behind the cart and pushing it at full speed. Thankfully, none of the other shoppers had carts, and Yami had a clear path to the other end of the aisle. She jumped onto the railing on the bottom self of the cart, flying past the other terrified customers.

"Mighty steed! To the land of The Refrigerated!" Yami yelled at the top of her lungs, not noticing the tower of baby diapers directly at the end of the aisle.

"Yami! Look out!" Yugi squeaked from inside the puzzle, but it was too late. The spirit of the Puzzle barreled into the tower of green boxes. Like bowling pins, the bottom of the tower collapsed, followed swiftly by the rest crashing on top of Yami and the shopping cart.

"So this is what your hormones do," Yugi muttered, "I'm totally not helping you with this," and with that, the Puzzle fell silent. Other onlookers began to gather around the collapsed tower, looking concerned for the odd-haired girl who had ran into the diapers, screaming something about conquering the store. An employee pushed her way through the crowd, looking absolutely furious.

"Just what exactly are you doing?!" she squeaked, pushing her puffy white hair out of her face.

"Ryou? What are you doing here?" Yami asked, completely bewildered by the random appearance, Ryou was dressed in a green polo, khakis, and she had a plastic white nametag pinned to her chest. The Millennium ring was still visible through the shirt, though she had made some kind of attempt to hide it.

"And why are you still wea-," Ryou didn't let Yami finish, pulling her up to her feet.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave," Ryou said, quieter this time, Yami sighed.

"Looks like we're not getting those eggs after all Yugi," she brushed herself off and left the store like nothing had happened, leaving Ryou to clean up her mess.

"You're terrible," the Puzzle replied back as Yami skipped through the automatic doors.

"Now you've finally decided to talk?" the spirit asked incredulously.

"You almost got Ryou into some serious trouble, what if she gets fired?" Yugi asked, Yami rolled her eyes.

"Even if she did, what would she do? Have the Spirit of the Ring come after me?" Yami laughed loudly at her joke, "hah! Did you hear that Yugi? I made a joke!" she continued to laugh haughtily, earning more stares from passerbys.

"Yami, you're not funny," Yugi said, appearing next to her and shaking her head.

"You're one to talk," Yami glared at her Hikari, in fact, she was glaring so hard that she didn't notice the man who was racing down the sidewalk until he ran right into her. Yami fell to the ground, landing right on her butt. She stood up, rubbing her bottom.

"Watch where you're going, pheasant!" she snapped at him, but he was long gone. She shrugged, not really caring what that was all about, when something caught her eye.

Oh a duel monsters card, she picked it up, and saw that it was The Dark Magician.

_Wow, he just lost a rare card,_ Yami sighed and pocketed the card. _Shame I didn't know who he was, or I would have given it back, _she continued her walk home, when the realization hit her.

_What if… that isn't his card…?_ She stopped mid-step

"Yami, I don't think-," but Yugi's reasoning wasn't going to work, Yami was already thundering down the sidewalk.

"No, time, for thinking!" Yami huffed, pushing a kid over and taking his bike, "thank you! The gods will shine upon you!" she yelled over her shoulder, pumping her legs as fast as she could.

"Yami, you can't steal bikes from people like that," Yugi protested.

"Who cares? My –erm, _our_ deck is at stake!" Yami exclaimed, taking a sharp turn around the corner with professional precision. She skidded to a stop and hopped off the bike, throwing it to the ground and running into the Game Shop.

* * *

><p>Now we all know how much of an asshole Yami really is<p>

goodbye for now! :3


	3. Skirts

Ok so this chapter is really short

Short and sweet I guess

Introducing: More genderbends! Fun!

Enjoy!

"Is Yugi here?" Troy asked Grandma Motou politely, his eyes passing over the many games lining the walls. His eyes stopped at Joanna and Triss arm wrestling on the glass counter.

"You are so gonna lose Triss," Joanna's arm shook from the effort, but it looked like she was going to win.

"In your dreams," Triss growled, pushing Joanna's arm back with all her might.

"No, she went to buy eggs for me, and she still isn't back. Irresponsible child, it's almost eleven and I still haven't made her breakfast!" Grandma Motou went back into the kitchen, still grumbling about cracked eggs.

"HAH! I told you I'd win!" Joanna exclaimed, pushing Triss' arm to the table.

"Shut up mutt," Triss said, imitating Sierra Kaiba's voice, setting Joanna off.

"I. AM. NOT. A. DOG!" she exploded, just as the door of the game shop banged open. Troy and the two girls turned to see Yami, standing with her hand on her hips.

_Yes, I feel powerful_, Yami thought, feeling a slight breeze come in from behind. Her thoughts were broken by the sound of Triss and Joanna sniggering.

"What is so funny?" Yami asked, and the other two girl fell into a full fit of laughter, Troy smiled and looked away.

"You might, want to, fix that skirt," Joanna gasped through fits of laughter.

"Really? Why-," Yami looked down at her skirt, and realized that the breeze wasn't a breeze at all, but a full forced wind. The wind had blown her skirt up and put her underwear on display. Her face went red.

"THAT IS NOT FUNNY!" she yelled, pushing her skirt down with one hand and slamming the door behind her with the other.

"No it was totally hilarious," Joanne said, receiving a death glare from Yami.

"Yugi! Did you get the eggs?" Grandma Motou emerged from the kitchen, hearing the ruckus in the store.

"Uhhh, no…" Yami trailed off, "but! That is not the reason why I am back!" she announced, realizing what her reason for madly biking home was. She dashed past everyone and bounded up the stairs.

"Wow, you were right. It's gone," Yugi glided to the cabinet over her bed, "and the thief didn't even try to be subtle," she looked at the gaping hole in the window. Glass was all over her desk and table, thankfully she wasn't in her body, or she would have cut herself ten times over.

"We _must_ get our deck back," Yami balled her hands into fists, "someone is going to be mind crushed."

"But first, a pad change," Yugi added, nudging Yami towards the bathroom.

Look out thief!

Alvida!


	4. Stolen Goods and Brown Hair

Yami Bakura decides to show herself here, thankfully there was no shadow game throwdown.

So, Chapter Four

Enjoy!

Yami pounded down the stairs, spare deck in her hand. She had changed out of her skirt after the unfortunately windy incident and was now wearing black skinny jeans.

"Joanna, was your deck stolen as well?" Yami asked her blond friend.

"Yea, that's the reason why I came to begin with," Joanna twirled a stray strand of golden hair, "I thought you would know something about it, but it looks like we're both screwed."

"Not if I can help it!" Yami put her fist to her chest heroically, "we will find our decks and whoever stole them will pay." She stomped to the door and pushed it open, gesturing for her friends to follow. They rolled their eyes at her exaggerations, but began following her outside.

Yami had barely stepped her foot out the door when she ran into a wall of muscle. She looked up, annoyed, to find Michael staring down at her.

"We're off to do important things, come back later," Yami sidestepped him and continued walking. At least, she thought she was walking, but she wasn't going anywhere. She turned around to find that Michael had grabbed the hood of her jacket. Yami sighed.

"Why must my clothing betray me?" she wondered aloud.

"I woke up this morning and went downstairs-," Michael was interrupted by Yami again

"I'm surprised you got that far," Yami joked, earning a loud "shut up!" from inside the Puzzle.

"Well! I only came here because my deck was missing and I wanted to know if you'd help me out!" Michael said, offended by Yami's comment. He turned around, about to leave when Joanna pushed Yami out of the way.

"The same thing happened to me, and Yugi, so maybe we could work together to figure this out," she offered hopefully, Yami scoffed.

"You just want him to ge-," she was cut off by Yugi, who switched with her at the last second.

_Period Yami is a bitch, _Yugi's voice echoed through their soul room.

"Yea, we should work this out together," Yugi said, "but why is the thief targeting us?" she rubbed the back of her head.

"Well, you're the best duelist in the world Yugs, and I'm pretty good," Joanna said, "and so is Michael," she looked up flirtily at the blond boy.

"Pretty good doesn't amount to anything!" Yami yelled through the puzzle, Yugi sighed.

"She's being really rude right now, the 'time of month' gets to her," Yugi apologized.

"Maybe it's the decks of all the Duelist Kingdom players?" Triss offered, just as Ryou rounded the corner and ran smack into Yugi.

"Hey! Watch it!" the Spirit of the Millennium Ring snarled, grabbing Yugi's hoodie with both hands, and then realizing that she was the one she needed to talk to.

"My host just got off her shift, comes home, and finds my deck from Battle City to be missing. What kind of prank did you bastards pull this time?" Bakura leaned into Yugi's face, not letting go of the hoodie.

"Hey it's not a prank," Troy stepped between the two girls, "they're missing their decks as well," he turned his thumb in the direction of Joanna and Michael.

"So it's not a Duelist Kingdom thief, since this loser lost her deck as well," Yami had taken over again, sensing the Sprit's presence, "but a Battle City one."

"Quite right Motou," Bakura sneered, ignoring Yami's comment, "but, do you have any idea who it is?"

Yami thought back to her run in with the thief before she knew they were the one stealing all the decks. It was a dull memory, she could hardly remember anything of it.

"They had brown hair…" she trailed off, realizing that the information was no help at all.

"Great!" Bakura clapped her hands together sarcastically, "we'll just interrogate every single brown-haired individual in the city!"

"No… I think I know a place where we can start…" Joanna turned her head to where downtown was, towards the tallest building in the city, Kaibacorp HQ.

Of course, Joanna wants to beat the living crap out of Sierra Kaiba

More hilarious rudeness later!

Alvida!


End file.
